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The graph presents percentages of commuters using different modes of transports in London in the years 1960, 1980, 2000 and 2010. v.1

The graph presents percentages of commuters using different modes of transports in London in the years 1960, 1980, 2000 and 2010. v. 1
The column graph compares the percentages of Londoners who used trains, cars, tubes and buses in four different years. Overall, the use of private cars increased rapidly while the popularity of public buses dropped sharply. As can be seen, roughly 7% commuters used private cars in London in 1960. In this year the highest percentages of commuters in London used buses and tubes, approximately 35% and 27% respectively. Train users in this year comprised around 17% of total passengers. After 20 years, the percentages of car users dramatically increased and one out of five Londoners used this mean of transport. Trains, buses and tubes received similar percentages of travellers in 1980 which ranged from 23% to 26%. However, the ratio of these transport users in 2000 changed noticeably. Every passenger out of three used their cars while one out of four used tubes for their movements. The popularity of the train somewhat decreased while the ratio of bus commuters dropped sharply to only 15%. In 2010, around half of the Londoners used cars as they primary mean of communication while less than 15% used public cars. The popularity of tubes and trains slightly dropped in this year as well.
The column graph compares the
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percentages
of Londoners who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
,
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cars
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tubes
and buses in four
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different
years.
Overall
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
increased
rapidly
while the popularity of public buses dropped
sharply
.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, roughly 7% commuters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
private
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cars
in London in 1960. In this
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year
the highest
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percentages
of commuters in London
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
buses and
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tubes
, approximately 35% and 27%
respectively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Train
users in this
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year
comprised around 17% of total passengers. After 20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
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car
users
dramatically
increased and one out of five Londoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this mean of transport.
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Trains
, buses and
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tubes
received similar
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percentages
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
in 1980 which ranged from 23% to 26%.
However
, the ratio of these transport users in 2000
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changed
noticeably
. Every passenger out of three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
while one out of four
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tubes
for their movements. The popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
somewhat decreased while the ratio of bus commuters dropped
sharply
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%. In 2010, around half of the Londoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as they primary mean of communication while less than 15%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. The popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tubes
and
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trains
slightly
dropped in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
as well
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph presents percentages of commuters using different modes of transports in London in the years 1960, 1980, 2000 and 2010. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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