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The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v.3

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 3
The diagram delineates the type of transportations citizens of a European country used to travel to and from their workplaces in three different years - 1960, 1980 and 2000. As an overall trend, cars gained a huge popularity as the mode of commuting while bus lost its appeal as a viable mode of communication to these Europeans. As the diagram suggests, around four out of ten of these Europeans used buses to reach their offices and to get back homes in 1960. Tubes were the second most prefered mode of transportation as more 25% people took this form of vehicle. Interestingly, Only around one in every 18 people used cars to travel while trains were preferred by roughly 18% citizens for commuting to and from offices. After two decades, trains and personal cars gained their demands as more than half of the population used these two forms of transports. Tubes and buses retained less proportion of commuters in this year and buses seem like lost its attraction as a mode of transportation. Finally, in 2000, more than one-third of these Europeans started using cars while only 15% of them used buses to travel to and from their workplaces. Tubes retained almost one-fourth of the commuters while train usage stood just above 20%.
The diagram delineates the type of transportations citizens of a European country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel to and from their workplaces in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
1960, 1980 and 2000. As an
overall
trend,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
gained a huge popularity as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of commuting while bus lost its appeal as a viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of communication to these Europeans.

As the diagram suggests, around four out of ten of these Europeans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
buses to reach their offices and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back homes in 1960. Tubes were the second most
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of transportation as more 25%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
took this form of vehicle.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
around one in every 18
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to travel while trains
were preferred
by roughly 18% citizens for commuting to and from offices. After two decades, trains and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
gained their demands as more than half of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
these two forms of transports. Tubes and buses retained less proportion of commuters in this year and buses seem like lost its attraction as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
of transportation.

Finally
, in 2000, more than one-third of these Europeans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
buses to travel to and from their workplaces. Tubes retained almost one-fourth of the commuters while train usage stood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20%.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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