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The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v.3

The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v. 3
In this infographic, there are 2 charts (a bar chart and a pie chart). The bar chart well compares the quantity of people participating by each selected evening courses at an adult education centre for 4 general courses (Drama, Painting, Sculpture, and Language), while the pie chart clearly illustrates the proportion of people to each age group. In the given bar charts, it is evident that the pattern of attendances in Language was similar to that in Drama, in that the number of women accounted for the highest, or at 40 in Language and at 20 in the other. Meanwhile, their figures of men enlisting in Painting were almost equal to those in women, or at around 27% on average. On the other hand, it is interesting that the quantity of men participating in Sculpture accounts for the greatest at 10%, whilst that of women were relatively adjacent at 5. In the given pie chart, it can be explained that all participants in 4 mentioned courses consists senior people, aged 50 years and above, or at 42% and people who were between 40 and 49 years (26%). Of all people in evening class, 16% was presented in age group between 30 and 39; 11% in 20-29 age group and only 5% in the rate of aged under 20 accounted for the lowest.
In this infographic, there are 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
(a bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
and a pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart)
. The bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
well compares the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participating by each selected evening courses at an adult education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for 4 general courses (Drama, Painting, Sculpture, and Language), while the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
clearly
illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to each age group.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
, it is evident that the pattern of attendances in Language was similar to that in Drama, in that the number of women accounted for the highest, or at 40 in Language and at 20 in the other. Meanwhile, their figures of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enlisting in Painting were almost equal to those in women, or at around 27% on average.
On the other hand
, it is interesting that the quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
participating in Sculpture accounts for the greatest at 10%, whilst that of women were
relatively
adjacent at 5.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that all participants in 4 mentioned courses consists senior
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people
, aged 50 years and above, or at 42% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were between 40 and 49 years (26%). Of all
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people
in evening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, 16%
was presented
in age group between 30 and 39; 11% in 20-29 age group and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% in the rate of aged under 20 accounted for the lowest.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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