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average percentages of sodium, surated fats, and added sugars in typhical meals consumed in the USA v.2

average percentages of sodium, surated fats, and added sugars in typhical meals consumed in the USA v. 2
The information which is illustrated by the pie charts is about the typical meals in average percentage with kinds of nutrients, where when if consumed to much is unhealthy. Overall, it is seen from the diagram that in the USA all of the nutrients is eaten more and becoming the highest number of percentage at the dinner. While that the smallest is breakfast. For the first diagram show that the figure of sodium in breakfast is more than a tenth, where it is similar with number of sodium in snacks. Then in the lunch the amount is less than a third as well as the sodium in the dinner reach a biggest percentage is 43%. Beside that, the saturated fat also has a largest number in the dinner is slight less than a two-fifth, after that in breakfast just above a tenth which is becoming the lowest figure. At the lunch is 26% and snacks is under the amount of lunch. Then the last pie describe that the snacks is the biggest percentage of added sugar, and such the others that the breakfast as the smallest figure of percentage. Finally, number of lunch slightly more than breakfast is 19%.
The information which
is illustrated
by the pie charts is about the typical meals in average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
with kinds of nutrients, where when if consumed
Did you mean "too"?
to
much is unhealthy.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram that in the USA
Consider using "all the".
all of the
nutrients
is eaten
more and becoming the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
at the dinner.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
that the smallest is breakfast.

For the
first
diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the figure of sodium in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
is more than a tenth, where it is similar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sodium in snacks. Then in the lunch the amount is less than a third
as well
as the sodium in the dinner reach
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
is 43%. Beside that, the saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
also
has
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in the dinner is slight less than a two-fifth, after that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a tenth which is becoming the lowest figure. At the lunch is 26% and snacks is under the amount of lunch.

Then the last pie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
that the snacks is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar, and such the others that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
as the smallest figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of lunch
slightly
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
is 19%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic average percentages of sodium, surated fats, and added sugars in typhical meals consumed in the USA v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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