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The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.
The table illustrates the proportion of schoolboys in two different age groups who participated in playing 5 sorts of sports in the UK in 2010. Overall, the percentage of schoolboys who are between 6 to 11 years old were higher than the figure for boys aged 12 to 16 (except for swimming). In addition, football was the most popular sport preferred by boys in both age groups. The proportion of 6- to 11-year-old boys in the UK played soccer was the highest, at 87%, while the figure for the older boys was lower, at 78%. Basketball was much more preferred by the younger group than the older group. The figures were 35% and 25% respectively. Likewise, cricket also attracts younger age group than older ones. The figure for younger boys was 35% whereas the proportion for older boys accounted for 25%. 23% of boys aged from 6 to 11 years old participated rugby, compared to only 21% of 12- to 16-year-old ones. However, the proportion of both age group in the UK who preferred swimming was the lowest and the same, at 19%.
The table illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of schoolboys in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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groups
who participated in playing 5 sorts of sports in the UK in 2010.

Overall
, the percentage of schoolboys who are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 6 and 11".
between 6 to 11
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
were higher than the
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figure
for
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boys
aged 12 to 16 (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
swimming).
In addition
, football was the most popular sport preferred by
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boys
in both
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age
groups.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of 6- to 11-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in the UK played soccer was the highest, at 87%, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
was lower, at 78%. Basketball was much more preferred by the younger
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group
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
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group
. The
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figures
were 35% and 25%
respectively
.
Likewise
, cricket
also
attracts younger
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for younger
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boys
was 35% whereas the
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proportion
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
accounted for 25%.

23% of
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boys
aged from 6 to 11 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
participated rugby, compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
21% of 12- to 16-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in the UK who preferred swimming was the lowest and the same, at 19%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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