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The bar chart bellow shows the perecntage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar chart bellow shows the perecntage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart compares the age groups of physical activity from men and women australian in 2010. It is measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that, despite age of men in 15 to 24 had greatest percentage from other groups by men, whereas women has biggest percentage of age groups in 45 to 54. Turning first in 15 to 24. Men had the highest australian of physical activity at 52. 8%, whereas women has lowest rate at 47. 7%. however, over the following in 25 to 34 age groups, there was a sharp fall to 42. 2% by men, on the other hand women increased gradually to 48. 9%. next in 35 to 44, the number groups of women which grew rapidly at 52. 5%. at the some time percentage of men suffered at dramatic decline to 39. 5%. Afterwards, in 45 to 54 age groups men and women go through increased significantly to 43. 1% and 53. 3%. after that in 55 to 64, women has experienced slighty fall to 53% and men growth gradually to 45. 1%. at the end of the age groups period, both of them have a closer look at the men by 46. 7% and women by 47. 1%.
The bar chart compares the
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age
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groups
of physical activity from
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men
and
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women
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australian
in 2010. It
is measured
in
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percentage
.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that, despite
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age
of
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men
in 15 to 24 had
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greatest
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percentage
from other
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groups
by
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men
, whereas
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women
has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
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percentage
of
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age
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groups
in 45 to 54.

Turning
first
in 15 to 24.
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Men
had the highest
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australian
of physical activity at 52. 8%, whereas
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women
has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
rate at 47. 7%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, over the following in 25 to 34
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, there was a sharp fall to 42. 2% by
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men
,
on the other hand
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women
increased
gradually
to 48. 9%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
next
in 35 to 44, the number
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groups
of
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women
which grew
rapidly
at 52. 5%.
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at
the
Did you mean "same"?
some
time
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percentage
of
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men
suffered at dramatic decline to 39. 5%.

Afterwards, in 45 to 54
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age
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groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
go through increased
significantly
to 43. 1% and 53. 3%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
that in 55 to 64,
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women
has experienced
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slighty
fall to 53% and
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men
growth
gradually
to 45. 1%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
period, both of them have a closer look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
by 46. 7% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
by 47. 1%.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The bar chart bellow shows the perecntage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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