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This table shows the percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

This table shows the percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.
The table below compares two separated age groups in terms of the proportion of schoolboys who took part in 5 types of sports in UK in the year of 2010. Overall, the figure for 6-to-11-year-olds playing sports was higher than that of the 12-16 group, except from swimming, which shared the same amount. In addition, football was the most popular sport for both age group. While the percentage of boys aging between 6 and 11 participating in football was 87%, the 12-to-16-year-old football players accounted for 78% of the total value. 35% of males aging from 6 to 11 took part in basketball, compared to 25% of older age group players. Moreover, in comparison to the proportion of schoolboys in 12-16 group playing cricket, which reached 34%, that of 6-11 group was 45%. At that time, the rate of boys participating rugby in 6-to-11-year-olds was slightly higher than that of 12-16 group, at 23% and 21% respectively. Meanwhile, boys who had a tendency to swim from 6 to 11 years old occupied 19%, had an equal figure of that between 12 and 16 years old.
The table below compares two separated age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in terms of the proportion of schoolboys who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in 5 types of sports in UK in the year of 2010.

Overall
, the figure for 6-to-11-year-olds playing sports was higher than that of the 12-16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, except from swimming, which shared the same amount.
In addition
, football was the most popular sport for both age group.

While the percentage of boys aging between 6 and 11 participating in football was 87%, the 12-to-16-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
football players accounted for 78% of the total value. 35% of males aging from 6 to 11
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in basketball, compared to 25% of older age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
players.
Moreover
,
in comparison
to the proportion of schoolboys in 12-16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
playing cricket, which reached 34%, that of 6-11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 45%.

At that time, the rate of boys participating rugby in 6-to-11-year-olds was
slightly
higher than that of 12-16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, at 23% and 21%
respectively
. Meanwhile, boys who had a tendency to swim from 6 to 11 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
occupied 19%, had an equal figure of that between 12 and 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic This table shows the percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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