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The bar chart below the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The bar chart below the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The vertical chart reveals that information of representation proportion of Australian male and female in 2010 nor 15 to 65 age groups without any when gone to the attend class of corporal activity. It is clearly seen that, in 15 to 24 boys were more activity in physical exercise 53% but also 25 to 34 age groups girls have much aware relate to boys. In addition, next age groups women was very attracted do the exercise 34 to 64. Moreover, female had increasing their fitness level day by day nor men was reducing their activity. Moving towards, last 65 group female have nearly fallen up to comparing male group was bit down 48% as well as women have 49%. To sum up, started boys have good proportion regarding to the girls. Then, female 25 to 65 groups have day by day raising or man had reduced activity. Thus, 65 group more than same but 1 percentage different.
The vertical chart reveals that information of representation proportion of Australian male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in 2010 nor 15 to 65 age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
without any when gone to
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'attend' is correct. If 'attend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the attend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of corporal activity.

It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, in 15 to 24 boys were more activity in physical exercise 53%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
25 to 34 age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
girls have much aware relate to boys.
In addition
,
next
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
women was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attracted do the exercise 34 to 64.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
had increasing their fitness level day by day nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was reducing their activity.

Moving towards, last 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
have
nearly
fallen up to comparing male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
down 48%
as well
as women have 49%.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
boys have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the girls. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
25 to 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
have day by day raising or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
activity.
Thus
, 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
more than same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
1 percentage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The bar chart below the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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