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the first chart shows how energy is used in an average australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse ga emissions which result from this energy use v.2

the first chart shows how energy is used in an average australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse ga emissions which result from this energy use v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the amount of energy which are used for several purposes (heating, water heating, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliences) in a common household in Australia and how much gas emissions which are resulted from these applications. Units are measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the energy for heating has the biggest proportion and the highest gas emission is produced from water heating purpose. The majority of energy is used for heating, account for 42% and followed by water heater at 30%. However, energy need for cooling, lighting and refrigeration has small percentage, only 2%, 4% and 7% respectively. 15% of energy is seen for other apliances. Nevertheless, the proportion data for gas emission is not directly proportional with the use of energy. water heater contribute the largest percentage in production of gas emissions, at just over 30%. Although the use of energy for heating experience the highest proportion, gas emission from this activity is observeb only 15%. The smaller proportion in gas emission production in recorded in lighting at 8% and cooling at 3%. The amount of gas emissions which is produced from other aplliances is 28%.
The pie charts illustrate the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for several purposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(heating
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
appliences
) in a common household in Australia and how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
which
are resulted
from these applications. Units
are measured
in percentage.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
has the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
and the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
is produced
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
purpose.

The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, account for 42% and followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
heater at 30%.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
need for cooling, lighting and refrigeration has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%, 4% and 7%
respectively
. 15% of
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energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for other
Possible spelling mistake found.
apliances
.

Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
data for
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gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
is not
directly
proportional with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
water
heater contribute the largest percentage in production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30%. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
experience the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
from this activity is
Possible spelling mistake found.
observeb
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%. The smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
production
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in recorded in
lighting at 8% and cooling at 3%. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
which
is produced
from other
Possible spelling mistake found.
aplliances
is 28%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS academic the first chart shows how energy is used in an average australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse ga emissions which result from this energy use v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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