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The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v.2

The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 2
The bar chart compares the proportion of British people donating money to charity with various age groups over a period of 20 years. It is clear that the proportion of age groups with 51-65 and over 65 have increased between 1990 and 2010. By contrast, it is interesting to note that level for 18-25, 26-35 and 35-50 has gone down over the given period shown. Looking at the bar chart in more detail, the percentage for the two oldest age groups with 51-65 and over 65 years stood at 35% and approximately 32% respectively and these figures have increased to 39% and 35% accordingly in 2010. It could be explained by the fact that the proportion for the 18-25, 26-35 and 35-50 age groups were 17%, 30%, and 42% respectively in 1990. Comparing with the other two age groups 18-25 age group experienced a 10 % decrease in which these figures were 5 and 7 for the 26-35 and 35-50 age groups accordingly.
The bar chart compares the proportion of British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
donating money to charity with various
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age
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groups
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over
a period of 20 years.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with 51-65 and
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over
65 have increased between 1990 and 2010. By contrast, it is interesting to note that level for 18-25, 26-35 and 35-50 has gone down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period shown.

Looking at the bar chart in more detail, the percentage for the two oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with 51-65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
65 years stood at 35% and approximately 32%
respectively
and these figures have increased to 39% and 35%
accordingly
in 2010.

It could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that the proportion for the 18-25, 26-35 and 35-50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
were 17%, 30%, and 42%
respectively
in 1990. Comparing with the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
18-25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
experienced a 10 % decrease in which these figures were 5 and 7 for the 26-35 and 35-50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
accordingly
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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