Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart below show the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia v.2

The bar chart below show the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia v. 2
This bar chart shows the participation of 5 to 14 years old boys and girls in 5 leisure activities (Stake Boarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games and Art and Craft) in percentage. Overall, both boys and girls shows a great interest in watching TV/Videos which is about 90%, whereas boys shows least interest in Art and Craft which is about 30% and girls shows least interest in Skate boarding which is about 25% Both boys and girls have shown some great interest in watching TV/Videos which is about 90%. They also having great interest in electronic games which is about 80% for boys and 60% for girls. Both of them have interest in bike riding as well which is about 70% for boys and 60% for girls. On the other side both boys and girls have least interest in Skate riding activity which is about 30% for boys and 25% for girls. Girls shows some more interest than boys in Art and Craft which is about 40% and 25% respectively.
This bar chart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the participation of 5 to 14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in 5 leisure activities (Stake Boarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games and Art and Craft) in percentage.

Overall
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in watching TV/Videos which is about 90%, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in Art and Craft which is about 30% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in Skate boarding which is about 25%

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in watching TV/Videos which is about 90%. They
also
having great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in electronic games which is about 80% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and 60% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Both of them have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in bike riding
as well
which is about 70% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and 60% for girls.

On the other side both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in Skate riding activity which is about 30% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and 25% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in Art and Craft which is about 40% and 25%
respectively
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS academic The bar chart below show the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts