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The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. v.3

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. v. 3
The chart examines the levels of donation contributions by British people of different ages in two different years - 1990 and 2010. Overall, a greater percentage of British people gave money to charity in 1990 than in 2010 except for the people who were over 50 years old. It is worth noticing that, elder people donated more for charity than their younger counterparts. In 1990, 42% of the 36-50 age-group in Britain made charitable donations, and this figure is the highest on the chart. The 18-25s contributed the least at only 17%. By 2010, these figures had fallen significantly to 35% and 7% respectively. The level of donations from the 26-35 age-group also experienced a decrease in 2010 from 31% to 24%. While donations up to the age of 50 declined across the two years, they rose among the 51-65 age-group from 35% to nearly 40%, which was the highest percentage for 2010. The figure for the over 65s was lower than this, at 35% but it was still a little higher than the 1990's figure of 32%.
The chart examines the levels of
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donation
contributions by British
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people
of
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different
ages in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
1990 and 2010.

Overall
, a greater percentage of British
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people
gave money to charity in 1990 than in 2010
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the
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people
who were over 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It is worth noticing that, elder
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people
donated more for charity than their younger counterparts.

In 1990, 42% of the 36-50 age-group in Britain made charitable
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donations
, and this
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figure
is the highest on the chart. The 18-25s contributed the least at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
17%. By 2010, these
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figures
had fallen
significantly
to 35% and 7%
respectively
. The level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
from the 26-35 age-group
also
experienced a decrease in 2010 from 31% to 24%.

While
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donations
up to the age of 50 declined across the two years, they rose among the 51-65 age-group from 35% to
nearly
40%, which was the highest percentage for 2010. The
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figure
for the over 65s was lower than this, at 35%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
still
a
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little
higher than the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990's
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figure
of 32%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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