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The main reasons for study among student of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. v.2

The main reasons for study among student of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. v. 2
The bar charts given below describe the amount of comparison the main reasons for study among student of different age groups and amount of support they received from employers. Overall, it seen that the reasons for career was the largest number in under 26 age groups. While the reason for interest was the popular reason in over 49 age groups. Then the amount of employers support was the biggest also in under 26 age groups. In under 26 age groups, the reasoning study for career and received employers support was the popular reason, for career had value around 80 and by employers support had value around 63. While in over 49 age groups, the highest value reasons for study was for interest. However the reasons for career had fallen from under 26 age groups to over 49 age groups, while reason for interest had grown from under 26 to over 29 age groups. In contrast, employers support was lowest received in 30-39 age groups, while it had went up as employees get older over 49 age group. In opposite, employers support had fallen in 26 to 30-39 age groups. At value around 63, employers support was the highest of the other age groups. Then at about 35, it was the smallest of the other age groups.
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the amount of comparison the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for study among student of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
they received from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
Overall
, it
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
was the largest number in under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for interest was the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Then the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was the biggest
also
in under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

In under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the reasoning study for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and received
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employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
around 80 and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
around 63. While in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for study was for interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
had fallen from under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for interest had grown from under 26 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

In contrast
,
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employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was lowest received in 30-39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, while it had
Use past participle here: "gone".
went
up as employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. In opposite,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
had fallen in 26 to 30-39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
around 63,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was the highest of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Then at about 35, it was the smallest of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The main reasons for study among student of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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