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The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v.2

The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v. 2
The line graph includes many changes about the number of Someland’s people suffering from X disease over a period of 35 years from 1960 to 1995. Overall, it is clear that the number of effected people rose dramatically until the mid seventies and experienced a fivefold increase, remained stable for 5 years, before dropping to zero in the late 80s. After this time until the end of given period any case was not reported in this area. At the beginning of the period, only 100 people contracted x disease. this figure remained constant for 5 years at the same level. X outbreak had been raging for a decade, with the number infected people rising and reaching a peak of 500 cases in 1970. this circumstance was stable until 1975. Suddenly, a fortunate event occurred, with the number of people effected by X disease dropping markedly to zero in 1990. In the 5 last year, X disease appeared from this area.
The line graph includes
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
about the
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number
of
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Someland
’s
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people
suffering from X
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disease
over a period of 35 years from 1960 to 1995.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of effected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rose
dramatically
until the mid seventies and experienced a fivefold increase, remained stable for 5 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dropping to zero in the late 80s. After this time until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period any case was not reported in this area.

At the beginning of the period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contracted x
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
figure remained constant for 5 years at the same level. X outbreak had been raging for a decade, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rising and reaching a peak of 500 cases in 1970.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
circumstance was stable until 1975.
Suddenly
, a fortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
occurred, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
effected by X
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
dropping
markedly
to zero in 1990. In the 5 last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, X
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
appeared from this area.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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