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The line graph shows burglaries per thousand vehicles in four countries between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The line graph shows burglaries per thousand vehicles in four countries between 2000 and 2009.
The line graph illustrates data on burglaries occurs in Great Britain, Greece, Spain, and Norway from 2000 to 2009. It is notable burglaries in Great Britain were higher than other countries while this rate had increased in Greece since 2005. According to the graph, 20 thousand were burglaries in Great Britain in 2006 while this rate was from 5 to 12 per thousand in Greece, Spain, and Norway. In great Britain vehicles, burglaries were 20 thousand in 2002 and steadily decrease to 15 thousand in 2004 but then reach to 20 thousand in 2006. finally, the rate had fallen again to 15 thousand in 2008. Vehicles burglaries had sharply reduced from 2005 to 2009 (14 to 4 per thousand respectively) in Spain. In contrast, vehicles burglaries increase during 2005 to 2009 from 9 to 13 per thousand respectively. In Norway vehicles burglaries had the stable rate of 5 thousand from 2003 to 2007; however, in 2007 rate jumps to 6 thousand.
The line graph illustrates data on
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burglaries
occurs in
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Great
Britain, Greece, Spain, and Norway from 2000 to 2009.

It is notable
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burglaries
in
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Great
Britain were higher than other countries while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
had increased in Greece since 2005.

According to the graph, 20 thousand were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglaries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain in 2006 while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was from 5 to 12 per thousand in Greece, Spain, and Norway.

In
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great Britain"
great Britain
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vehicles
,
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burglaries
were 20 thousand in 2002 and
steadily
decrease to 15 thousand in 2004
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then reach to 20 thousand in 2006.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
had fallen again to 15 thousand in
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2008. Vehicles
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burglaries
had
sharply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 2005 to 2009 (14 to 4 per thousand
respectively
) in Spain.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglaries
increase during 2005 to 2009 from 9 to 13 per thousand
respectively
.

In Norway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglaries
had the stable
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rate
of 5 thousand from 2003 to 2007;
however
, in 2007
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rate
jumps to 6 thousand.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The line graph shows burglaries per thousand vehicles in four countries between 2000 and 2009.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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