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The line graph shows the projected population growth of China and India. v.1

The line graph shows the projected population growth of China and India. v. 1
The line graph depicts the projected population growth of China and India. The X-axis depicts the year and Y-axis depicts the population in billions. The dotted line depicts the trend for China whereas the solid line depicts the population for India. In the initial phase of 1990, there was a huge difference in the population of India and China. In the subsequent years both the countries saw a steady increase in the population. Though India had a maximum of 1. 6 billion populations compared to 1. 45 billion of China. There was also an interesting trend in the increase of China's population. It is projected that it will start declining after 2030 after a steady increase till the same year. The two lines depicting the population of both the countries intersect each other in 2030 which implies that the population remained same during this year. The lowest population that India and China encountered was in 1990 though the number was much higher for China. The highest population will be noticed in 2050 for India and 2030 for China. Overall India saw a more serious increase in population and trends show that it will have difficulty in controlling it whereas China will show a positive trend after 2030 by showing a decline in population.
The
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line
graph
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depicts
the projected
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population
growth of China and India. The X-axis
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depicts
the year and Y-axis
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depicts
the
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population
in billions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
dotted
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line
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depicts
the
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trend
for China whereas the solid
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line
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depicts
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
for India.

In the initial phase of 1990, there was a huge difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of India and China. In the subsequent years both the countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
India had a maximum of 1. 6 billion
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populations
compared to 1. 45 billion of China. There was
also
an interesting
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trend
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
of China's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. It
is projected
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
declining after 2030 after a steady
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increase
till the same year.

The two
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lines
depicting the
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population
of both the countries intersect each other in 2030 which implies that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
remained same during this year. The lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
that India and China encountered was in 1990 though the number was much higher for China.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
highest
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population
will
be noticed
in 2050 for India and 2030 for China.

Overall
India
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saw
a more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
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population
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it will have difficulty in controlling it whereas China will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
after 2030 by showing a decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The line graph shows the projected population growth of China and India. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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