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The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. v.2

The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. v. 2
The maps compare the structural developments and the transformation of a village called Stockford between 1930 and 2010. A glance at the maps reveals that the Stockford village in 1930 had fewer houses and extended farmland but witnessed rapid housing development afterwards. As is observed, Stockford village is located at the east of the River Stoke. Parallel to this river, the main road has connected a bridge in the farthest north-east side of the village in both maps. A few houses on both sides of the road, two shops and a post office on the west side of the road were present in this village in 1930. Besides, an elementary school, a large garden and a connecting road to the bridge were on the east of this village. Two large farmlands were quite visible in the early map which disappeared in the latter one. The 2010's map reveals that the post office, the bridge and the primary school remained unaltered, though, the school building was enlarged. The shops disappeared and the garden with many of its trees was compromised to build more accommodation facilities. The large house was converted to a retirement home with some extension to its structure. On top of that, the number of houses increased remarkably and these houses were built on the previously existing farmlands and garden.
The
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maps
compare the structural developments and the transformation of a
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village
called
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Stockford
between 1930 and 2010.

A glance at the
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maps
reveals that the
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Stockford
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village
in 1930 had fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and extended farmland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
witnessed rapid housing development afterwards.

As
is observed
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stockford
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village
is located
at the east of the River Stoke. Parallel to this river, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
has connected a bridge in the farthest north-east side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
in both
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maps
. A few
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houses
on both sides of the
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road
, two shops and a post office on the west side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
were present in this
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village
in 1930.
Besides
, an elementary school, a large garden and a connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
to the bridge were on the east of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
. Two large farmlands were quite visible in the early
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map
which disappeared in the latter one.

The
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2010s".
2010's
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map
reveals that the post office, the bridge and the primary school remained unaltered, though, the school building
was enlarged
. The shops disappeared and the garden with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of its trees
was compromised
to build more accommodation facilities.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
large
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house
was converted
to a retirement home with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extension to its structure.
On top of that
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
increased
remarkably
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
were built
on the previously existing farmlands and garden.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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