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The line graph shows the cost for watching films The pie charts show the change in the percentage of market share represented by the three forms v.2

The line graph shows the cost for watching films The pie charts show the change in the percentage of market share represented by the three forms v. 2
The line graph illustrates how much money was spent on watching films in 3 primary forms namely cinemas, DVDs and legal download as well as the percentage split among the three forms given in the pie charts. Overall, cinema tickets were notably the most expensive type of watching movies. Particularly, more people chose to rent a DVD rather than watching online or going to the movie theatres. In 2005, cinema ticket cost stood at around £9, £3 higher than DVD renting price, then the figure increased gradually to about £11. 5 in 2009 before surging to £14 in the end. Over the same period, the amount of money spent on renting DVDs saw a gradual rise of just £2 over the time shown. Finally, users had to pay more to download movies online in 2005, at £8; however, the cost declined sharply to £6 in 2006, then it saw a significant rise of £3 to stand at £9 in 2011. The number of people rented a DVD contributed of nearly three fourth of the total in 2005, then the figure dropped to just over one second of the total 6 years later. Only 30% of citizens went to the cinema, compared to just 6% of those watching online in 2005, then the former saw a decrease of 12% while the latter experienced a dramatic increase of 20% in 2011.
The line graph illustrates how much money
was spent
on watching films in 3 primary forms
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
, DVDs and legal download
as well
as the percentage split among the three forms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the pie charts.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
tickets were
notably
the most expensive type of watching movies.
Particularly
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose to rent a DVD
rather
than watching online or going to the movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.

In 2005,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
ticket cost stood at around £9, £3 higher than DVD renting price, then the figure increased
gradually
to about £11. 5 in 2009
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
surging to £14 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Over the same period, the amount of money spent on renting DVDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual rise of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
£2 over the time shown.
Finally
, users had to pay more to download movies online in 2005, at £8;
however
, the cost declined
sharply
to £6 in 2006, then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant rise of £3 to stand at £9 in 2011.

The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rented a DVD contributed of
nearly
three fourth of the total in 2005, then the figure dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one second of the total 6 years later.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
30% of citizens went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
6% of those watching online in 2005, then the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a decrease of 12% while the latter experienced a dramatic increase of 20% in 2011.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The line graph shows the cost for watching films The pie charts show the change in the percentage of market share represented by the three forms v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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