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The graph and bar chart below show the average monthly rainfall and temperature for one region of East Africa. v.1

The graph and bar chart below show the average monthly rainfall and temperature for one region of East Africa. v. 1
The line graph and bar chart illustrate the mean rainfall and temperature in a month for a period of a year in part of East Africa. Overall, it is clear that there is a direct link between the average temperature and rainfall and both of them show fluctuation throughout the 12-month period. First of all, the most noticeable feature of the line graph is that the temperature reaches the first peak in March and second in October (just above 23. 5°C and well over 23. 0°C respectively). The next striking feature of this graph is the temperature has the lowest point in July which is approximately 20. 5°C. To compare, the temperature over the time frame, it is apparent that temperature in December is lower than that in January (around 21. 5°C and 22. 0°C respectively). Turning to the bar graph, we can see the peak of mean rainfall of the year is in April which is the overall highest peak and in November with the figure around 275mm and 150mm correspondingly. The lowest rainfall of the year falls in July with just under 25mm. Not forgetting to mention that, there is more rainfall in the first six months of the year than months after July.
The line
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graph
and bar chart illustrate the mean
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rainfall
and
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temperature
in a
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month
for a period of a
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year
in part of East Africa.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there is a direct link between the average
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temperature
and
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rainfall
and both of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
fluctuation throughout the
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12-month
period.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most noticeable feature of the line
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graph
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
reaches the
first
peak in March and second in October (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 23.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "5 °C"
5°C
and well over 23.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "0 °C"
0°C
respectively
). The
next
striking feature of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
has the lowest point in July which is approximately 20.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "5 °C"
5°C
. To compare, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
over the time frame, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in December is lower than that in January (around 21.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "5 °C"
5°C
and 22.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "0 °C"
0°C
respectively
).

Turning to the bar
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graph
, we can
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see
the peak of mean
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rainfall
of the
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year
is in April which is the
overall
highest peak and in November with the figure around
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "275 mm"
275mm
and
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "150 mm"
150mm
correspondingly
. The lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
falls in July with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "25 mm"
25mm
. Not forgetting to mention that, there is more
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rainfall
in the
first
six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
after July.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph and bar chart below show the average monthly rainfall and temperature for one region of East Africa. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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