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The line graph shows estimated sales of gold in Dubai for 12 months in 2002 in millions of Dirhams. v.1

The line graph shows estimated sales of gold in Dubai for 12 months in 2002 in millions of Dirhams. v. 1
The line graph shows monthly gold sales amount in Dubai throughout the year 2012. The sales amount is given in million Dirhams for every month in 2012. A glance at the diagram reveals that in March the sale amount was highest and average monthly sale of gold was between 100 and 200 million Dirhams. According to the line graph, total sales of gold was 200 million Dirhams in January 2002 in Dubai and this amount rapidly increased in the next two months. In March, the sales amounted 350 million Dirhams, the highest in the year but afterwards, the sales amount steadily declined till July when the gold sale was recorded at just over 110 million Dirhams. August’s gold sale went abruptly higher, over 200 million but it then dropped suddenly to 110 million again. Sales of gold climbed in the next month, October but remained almost stable for the rest of the year at around 170-180 million Dirhams. At the end of the year, Dubai gold sale was recorded at approximately 185 million Dirhams, almost same as it was at the beginning of the year.
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
monthly gold
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sales
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amount
in Dubai throughout the
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year
2012. The
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sales
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amount
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
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Dirhams
for every month in 2012. A glance at the diagram reveals that in March the
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sale
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amount
was highest and average monthly
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sale
of gold was between 100 and 200
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
.

According to the line graph, total
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sales
of gold was 200
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
in January 2002 in Dubai and this
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amount
rapidly
increased in the
next
two months. In March, the
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sales
amounted 350
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
, the highest in the
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
afterwards, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
steadily
declined till July when the gold
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sale
was recorded
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 110
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. August’s gold
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sale
went
abruptly
higher, over 200
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million
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it then dropped
suddenly
to 110
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
again.
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Sales
of gold climbed in the
next
month, October
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remained almost stable for the rest of the
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year
at around 170-180
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
, Dubai gold
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sale
was recorded
at approximately 185
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
, almost same as it was at the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS academic The line graph shows estimated sales of gold in Dubai for 12 months in 2002 in millions of Dirhams. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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