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The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v.2

The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v. 2
The column graph compares how much money British citizens with different economic status spent on three fast food items in 1990. Overall, high and average income class British spent more amount on hamburgers and low-income class preferred to eat fish & chips as their spending pattern suggests. As is presented in the diagram, rich people spent the highest amount on purchasing hamburgers, around 47 million Pounds, and their expenses for fish & chips and pizza were between 17 to 19 million. Interestingly, Average-income class spent more money on fish & chips than rich customers did. They spent exactly 25 millions on fish & chips though their highest amount went on hamburgers, roughly 33 million. Though rich British spent more on pizza than that of fish & ships, average-income class in Britain did the opposite. Finally, low-income class people spent a considerably fewer amount on fast food and their most preferred item was fish & chips for which they spent around 17 million Pound. Their spending on hamburgers was less than 15 million while they spent the least amount on pizza, which amounted to nearly 7 million Pounds.
The column graph compares how much money British citizens with
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different
economic status
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spent
on three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food items in 1990.
Overall
, high and average income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
on hamburgers and low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
preferred to eat fish & chips as their spending pattern suggests.

As
is presented
in the diagram, rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
on purchasing hamburgers, around 47
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million
Pounds, and their expenses for fish & chips and pizza were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 17 and 19".
between 17 to 19
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million
.
Interestingly
, Average-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more money on fish & chips than rich customers did. They
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spent
exactly 25
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millions
on fish & chips though their highest
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amount
went on hamburgers, roughly 33
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million
. Though rich British
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spent
more on pizza than that of fish & ships, average-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in Britain did the opposite.
Finally
, low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
a
considerably
fewer
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amount
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and their most preferred item was fish & chips for which they
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spent
around 17
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million
Pound. Their spending on hamburgers was less than 15
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million
while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
on pizza, which amounted to
nearly
7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Pounds.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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