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The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v.4

The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v. 4
The given bar graph compares the British expenditure on fast food based on the citizens’ income class in 1990. As is seen from the given illustration, high-income class British spent more on fast food items and the hamburger was their preferred item. As is clear from the given diagram, high-income class British citizens spent more on fast food in 1990 than the average and low-income class citizens. High-income class people spent more than 40% on hamburger which is just over 30% for average income class and below 15% for low-income class. Interestingly average income class spent more on fish & chips and that shows that it is their favourite fast food item. They spend one-fourth of their total fast-food expenses on fish & chips while it was just above 15% both for the two other income classes. It is obvious that fish and chips are also popular among the low-income class as they spend their highest percentage on this item. Finally, the high-income class spent the highest amount on the pizza which was just below 20%. The pizza was least popular among the low and average income class British.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph compares the British expenditure on
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
based on the citizens’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in 1990. As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration,
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high-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
British
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spent
more on
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items and the hamburger was their preferred item.

As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram,
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high-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
British citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in 1990 than the
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average
and low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
citizens.
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High-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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spent
more than 40% on hamburger which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30% for
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and below 15% for low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Interestingly
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more on fish & chips and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it is their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
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fast
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food
item. They spend one-fourth of their total
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food expenses on fish & chips while it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 15% both for the two other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
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classes
. It is obvious that fish and chips are
also
popular among the low-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as they spend their highest percentage on this item.
Finally
, the
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high-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the highest amount on the pizza which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 20%. The pizza was least popular among the low and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
British.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The Bar graph below shows the Expenditure in Million Pounds on fast food items by income groups in the UK. v. 4

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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