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The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v.2

The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v. 2
The diagram delineates the process for high school students to access tertiary institution. It is clear that there are several steps, beginning with the finish of high school and end with two results, keep being a student at university or canceling the application. After graduating the high school, student first must complete the application form which could be downloaded from website prior to sending to the administration. If students are given to the temporary acceptance list, they must complete the document again but with more information and send back to the administration. After that, they would get the rejection and then cancel the application. However, some people having a great ambition will strive with another course and repeat the following steps. Regard people with the acceptance from university, they must fill another form correctly before the enrolment. Student, accurately with the previous form, could opt for subjects they want to take in the first year. Additionally, registering with Dean is the final step of the entrance procedure.
The diagram delineates the process for high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to access tertiary institution. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are several steps, beginning with the finish of high school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with two results,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
at university or canceling the application.

After
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
the high school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
complete the application form which could
be downloaded
from website prior to sending to the administration. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the temporary acceptance list, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
complete the document again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with more information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
back to the administration. After that, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the rejection and then cancel the application.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having a great ambition will strive with another course and repeat the following steps.

Regard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the acceptance from university, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
fill another form
correctly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
,
accurately
with the previous form, could opt for subjects they want to take in the
first
year.
Additionally
, registering with Dean is the final step of the entrance procedure.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The flow chart illustrates the various steps that high school students must follow to enter university. ‬ v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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