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The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person.
A glance at the two line graph provided reveals some of the striking similarities between every 1000 men and women in Someland during the period from 1960 to 2000. Generally, it is evident that both genders saw considerable alteration in each period shown. According to the graph, increasing from approximately 100 in 1960 to almost 200 in 1970, the women who consume cigarettes experience continual growth at slightly higher than 300. This was followed by a period of rapid decline, with smoke rate in the country plunging to a base of 200 in 2000. The proportion of men smoking tobacco, meanwhile, was dropping progressively, from at precisely 600 in 1960 to 500 in the period of 1975. The latter half of the century brought sustained decline in the figure of man’s smoking rates. It is important to note that, while women tobacco rate firstly increase at about certain level, following sustained drop, figures for men dropped persistently.
A glance at the two line graph provided reveals
some of the
striking similarities between every 1000
men
and women in
Someland
during the
period
from 1960 to 2000.
Generally
, it is evident that both genders
saw
considerable alteration in each
period
shown.

According to the graph, increasing from approximately 100 in 1960 to almost 200 in 1970, the women who consume cigarettes experience continual growth at
slightly
higher than 300. This
was followed
by a
period
of rapid decline, with smoke rate in the country plunging to a base of 200 in 2000.

The proportion of
men
smoking tobacco, meanwhile, was dropping
progressively
, from at
precisely
600 in 1960 to 500 in the
period
of 1975. The latter half of the century brought sustained decline in the figure of
man
’s smoking rates.

It is
important
to note that, while women tobacco rate
firstly
increase at about certain level, following sustained drop, figures for
men
dropped
persistently
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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