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The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.2

The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2
The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. It is clear that fish consumption was the lowest throughout the period. Overall, almost all the figure for fish and meat witnessed a decline, while those of chicken increased significantly. In 2000, beef stood out as being consumed far more than the others, at over 200 grams per person. In contrast, the data of fish was sharply lower at roughly 60 grams. In comparison, the food consumption derived from chicken and lamb were nearly equal at approximately 150 grams. As is observed, during the period shown, those of beef witness a plummet to just over 100 grams, despite hitting a peak in 1984. The data of chicken increased exponentially to roughly 250 grams, while lamb consumption showed an opposite trend, with a significant drop to about 80 grams. Furthermore, a minimal decrease can be seen in the data of fish to just below 1979 figure.
The line graph illustrates the fish and meat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gram
per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that fish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
was the lowest throughout the period.
Overall
, almost all the figure for fish and meat witnessed a decline, while those of chicken increased
significantly
.

In 2000, beef stood out as
being consumed
far more than the others, at over 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
per person.
In contrast
, the data of fish was
sharply
lower at roughly 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
comparison, the food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
derived from chicken and lamb were
nearly
equal at approximately 150 grams.

As
is observed
, during the period shown, those of beef witness a plummet to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, despite hitting a peak in 1984. The data of chicken increased
exponentially
to roughly 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, while lamb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an opposite trend, with a significant drop to about 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
.
Furthermore
, a minimal decrease can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the data of fish to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 1979 figure.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the fish and meat consumption in gram per person per week in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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