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The chart below shows the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v.2

The chart below shows the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 2
The bar chart shows the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK between 1955 and 2002. Overall, it is clear that although local-fixed line was still used most frequently during the seven years, the gap between the three types was narrowed in the second half of the period. Starting with 1995, local-fixed line had the largest number of minutes among the three, at nearly 72 billions minutes. Its figure was twice larger than that for national and international call(36 billions minutes). However, mobiles call played the smallest role(only about 4 billions minutes). Turning now to the period from 1995 to 2002, the number of minutes spent on national and international call experienced a steady increase, reaching approximately 60 billions minutes in 2002. The same trend can also be seen in the figure for mobiles, but it increased more significantly after 1999 and arrived at about 40 billion minutes. However, the number of local-fixed line fluctuated during this period. It at first rose to a peak at 90 billion minutes in 1999, but then decline back to the 1995 data in 2002.
The bar chart
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shows
the total
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number
of minutes of telephone
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calls
in the UK between 1955 and 2002.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that although local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line was
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
most
frequently
during the seven years, the gap between the three types
was narrowed
in the second half of the period.

Starting with 1995, local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line had the largest
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number
of minutes among the three, at
nearly
72
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billions
minutes. Its figure was twice larger than that for national and international
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call(36
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billions
minutes).
However
, mobiles
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call
played the smallest role(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 4
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billions
minutes).

Turning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to the period from 1995 to 2002, the
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number
of minutes spent on national and international
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call
experienced a steady increase, reaching approximately 60
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billions
minutes in 2002. The same trend can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the figure for mobiles,
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but
it increased more
significantly
after 1999 and arrived at about 40
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billion
minutes.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line fluctuated during this period. It at
first
rose to a peak at 90
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billion
minutes in 1999,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then decline back to the 1995 data in 2002.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The chart below shows the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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