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The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v.2

The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v. 2
The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000. Overall, the birth rates of both nations decreased over the period of 80 years. Although the two trends were similar in terms of a general decline, the birth rate of the USA in most years was higher than that of China. In the 1920-1935 period, the birth rate in America fluctuated, although it always remained above 10%. However, in the following decade, the American birth rate fell sharply to below 5%. In the 1950s, the figure for the USA increased significantly to exactly 15%, which was its highest point during the 80-year period, there was a gradual decline in the US birth rate, which fell to 7% by the year 2000. Over the same period, the birth rate in China varied more significantly than in the US. It dropped to 5% from 1940 to 1945 before reaching the highest point of the whole line graph, 20% in 1950. By contrast, 5 year later, the birth rate in China decreased rapidly by over 10% falling to approximately 2% in 2000.
The line graph compares
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birth
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rates
in China and the US and how these
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rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 1920 to 2000.

Overall
, the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of both nations decreased over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 80 years. Although the two trends were similar in terms of a general decline, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the USA in most years was higher than that of China.

In the 1920-1935
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period
, the
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birth
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rate
in America fluctuated, although it always remained above 10%.
However
, in the following decade, the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
fell
sharply
to below 5%. In the 1950s, the figure for the USA increased
significantly
to exactly 15%, which was its highest point during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
80-year
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period
, there was a gradual decline in the US
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, which fell to 7% by the
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year
2000.

Over the same
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period
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in China varied more
significantly
than in the US. It dropped to 5% from 1940 to 1945
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the highest point of the whole line graph, 20% in 1950. By contrast, 5
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year
later, the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in China decreased
rapidly
by over 10% falling to approximately 2% in 2000.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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