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The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v.2

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v. 2
The line chart indicates the number of people came to England to visit four separate attractions in Brighton from 1980 to 2010. Overall, it is clear that the percentage of people visiting pavilion and pier increased over the period, while the figure for other attractions fell. In 1980, The festival was the most favourite place with 30% of people preferred to visit. However, by 2010, this figure had fallen to below, at just over 25%. Standing at a lower number, at above 20%, the number of tourists to art gallery fell to just under 10% in 2010. It was, therefore, the least popular of the attractions at the end of the period of 30 years. There was a remarkable change in the pavilion during the 3 decades. In 1980, that place experienced nearly 25% of people went sightseeing. By 2010, this figure had only risen to 30%, despite a sharp increase and a peak of 50% in 1995. The pier which was least popular attraction saw a minor fluctuating growth in the number of visitors. This figure rose from 10% in 1980 to just over 20% in 2010.
The line chart indicates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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people
came to England to visit four separate
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attractions
in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting pavilion and pier increased over the period, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
fell.

In 1980, The festival was the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
place with 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to visit.
However
, by 2010, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
had fallen to below, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 25%. Standing at a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
, at above 20%, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of tourists to art gallery fell to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10% in 2010. It was,
therefore
, the least popular of the
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attractions
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period of 30 years.

There was a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the pavilion during the 3 decades. In 1980, that place experienced
nearly
25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went sightseeing. By 2010, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
risen to 30%, despite a sharp increase and a peak of 50% in 1995. The pier which was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
popular
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attraction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a minor fluctuating growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
rose from 10% in 1980 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 20% in 2010.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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