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The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v.2

The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v. 2
The bar chart given illustrates the information about the proportion of people visited various tourist attractions, namely Bangkok Zoo, Sea World, Wax Museum, China Town over the course 3 years from 2014 to 2017. In general, the rate of tourists to the Sea World and Bangkok Zoo saw a downward trend compared with the other figures had an opposite trend over the same period. Regarding the number of visitors, Sea World became the most popular tourist attraction in 2014, with 70%, was higher than the rate’s Bangkok Zoo by 20%. Subsequently, this number considerably declined to 20% over the next three years although there was a slight growth in 2016, about 50%. Similarly, the attraction’s Bangkok Zoo stood at 50% in 2014, then it continued to decrease moderately, just under 10% over the three years after going up substantially in 2016. As for the rate of attraction, China Town was the least popular in 2014, only 19%, was lower than the figure for the Wax Museum, about 45%. However, it rapidly climbed to the highest point in the total number of tourists in 2016, at 100% before going down sharply in 2017, just under 10%. This was the same as this for the Wax Museum. There was a dramatic jump in the number of tourists from 2015 to 2016 before falling slightly to 70% in the next year. At this point, the Wax Museum was the most popular tourist attraction in Thailand in 2017.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustrates the information about the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
,
namely
Bangkok Zoo, Sea World, Wax
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Museum
, China Town
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over
the course 3 years from 2014 to 2017.

In general
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to the Sea World and Bangkok Zoo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a downward trend compared with the other figures had an opposite trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the same period.

Regarding the
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number
of visitors, Sea World became the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
in 2014, with 70%, was higher than the rate’s Bangkok Zoo by 20%.
Subsequently
, this
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number
considerably
declined to 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
next
three years although there was a slight growth in 2016, about 50%.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction’s
Bangkok Zoo stood at 50% in 2014, then it continued to decrease
moderately
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the three years after going up
substantially
in 2016.

As for the rate of
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attraction
, China Town was the least popular in 2014,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
19%, was lower than the figure for the Wax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
, about 45%.
However
, it
rapidly
climbed to the highest point in the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in 2016, at 100%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going down
sharply
in 2017,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10%. This was the same as this for the Wax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
. There was a dramatic jump in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from 2015 to 2016
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
slightly
to 70% in the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. At this point, the Wax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
was the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
in Thailand in 2017.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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