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In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.5

In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.
The charts show the number of deaths from flu, the percentage of four groups female receipts of new vaccine groups most at risk and flu rates from females and males in 1996. Overall, it is clear that the trend that women infected with the flu and the number of women dead were consistently higher than those of men, and new flu vaccines were mainly trialled on the women aged over 65. Looking at the bar chart, from March to May, the number of women dead stood at 1m. This figure then rose four times to between June to August while the figure for males only accounted for 2m of dead cases. Reading the pie chart, 35% of new flu vaccines experimented on women who were over 65 years old and were at risk. This number was the highest comparing with other groups. However, the next highest level with 28 percent was in the female receipts without giving vaccines. On the other hand, there were only 24 percent babies and children were potentially infected with flu and needed vaccines while only 13 percent of patients in hospitals needed flu vaccines. Turning to the line chart, flu rates saw a similar trend in both male and females. Stood at 0 cases of flu in both sex, the number of infection with the flu on males and females rose gradually to 500 and 1000 cases respectively. Notably, those figures had grown sharply and reached a peak at just over 2500 and 3500 cases respectively by Jun before a steady drop to 1500 and 2500 cases respectively in Dec.
The
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charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
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number
of deaths from
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flu
, the percentage of four groups
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female
receipts of new
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vaccine
groups most at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
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flu
rates from
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females
and
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males
in 1996.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the trend that
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women
infected with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
dead were
consistently
higher than those of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
were
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
trialled
on the
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women
aged over 65.

Looking at the bar
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chart
, from March to May, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
dead stood at
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "1 m"
1m
. This figure then rose four times to between June to August while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accounted for
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "2 m"
2m
of dead cases.

Reading the pie
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chart
, 35% of new
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flu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
experimented on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who were over 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and were at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. This
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number
was the highest comparing with other groups.
However
, the
next
highest level with 28 percent was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
receipts without giving
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vaccines
.
On the other hand
, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
24 percent babies and children were
potentially
infected with
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flu
and needed
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vaccines
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13 percent of patients in hospitals needed
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flu
vaccines.

Turning to the line
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chart
,
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flu
rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a similar trend in both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. Stood at 0 cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
in both sex, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of infection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
rose
gradually
to 500 and 1000 cases
respectively
.
Notably
, those figures had grown
sharply
and reached a peak at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2500 and 3500 cases
respectively
by Jun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a steady drop to 1500 and 2500 cases
respectively
in Dec.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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