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The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. v.1

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. v. 1
The given line graph shows the number of cinema-going UK people and classifies these viewers in four age groups. As is observed from the graph, people over 40 years old went to movies more than the younger people of the UK. As is observed from the line graph, the people of 44 to 54 years-old attended cinema more than the people of other age groups who are less than 44 years old. Only 15% of the UK citizens who were between 14 to 24 years old attended in cinema in 1990 while this percentage increased with the increase of age group. In this same year, more than 35% people over 40 years attended the cinema. It is clear from the data that, the people in UK trend to attend cinema more with the increase of their age. The cinema goer’s number increased gradually from 1990 to 2010 except for 1995 to 2000. In 2010, the number of cinema attendees was also dominated by the age group of 44 to 54 and the percentage of cinema attendees from all age groups increased by 5% on an average than the percentages were in 2005.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of cinema-going UK
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people
and classifies these viewers in four
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age
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groups
. As
is observed
from the graph,
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people
over 40 years
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old
went to movies more than the younger
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people
of the UK.

As
is observed
from the line graph, the
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people
of 44 to 54 years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
attended
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cinema
more than the
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people
of other
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age
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groups
who are less than 44 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
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Only
15% of the UK citizens who were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 14 and 24".
between 14 to 24
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
attended in
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cinema
in 1990 while this percentage increased with the increase of
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. In this same
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year
, more than 35%
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people
over 40 years attended the
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cinema
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that, the
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people
in UK trend to attend
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cinema
more with the increase of their
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age
. The
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cinema
goer’s number increased
gradually
from 1990 to 2010
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
1995 to 2000. In 2010, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendees was
also
dominated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 44 to 54 and the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendees from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
increased by 5% on an average than the percentages were in 2005.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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