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The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v.2

The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v. 2
The table illustrates the percentage of Australians going to the cinema and their frequency from 1994 to 2002, and the line graph presents how many visits were made according to age group. It is clear that the percentage of cinema attendants increased, while the average number of visits decreased over the period shown. Additionally, all age groups witnessed fluctuations in their figures, and 14-to 24-year-olds were the most frequent cinema visitors. In 1994, about 67% of the total population went to the cinema with about 10. 7 times a year. This attendance increased to 72% two years later and then remained stable until 2002, despite a fall of 2% from 1998 to 2000. Meanwhile, the average frequency peak at 11. 3 times annually in 1996, but then it stabilized at around 8. 3 times. Initially, the youngest group went to the cinema 12 times yearly, followed by 10 times of those aged 25 to 34. In contrast, the figure for the oldest group was the lowest, at only 8 times per year. In 1996, the figures for all groups rose by about 1 time before decreasing by nearly 5 times in 1998. After that, the quantity of visits of each group grew slightly but the most regular visits still belonged to the youngest group, with about 10 times.
The table illustrates the percentage of Australians going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
and their frequency from 1994 to 2002, and the line graph presents how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
were made
according to age group.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of
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cinema
attendants increased, while the average number of
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visits
decreased over the period shown.
Additionally
, all age
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groups
witnessed fluctuations in their figures, and 14-to 24-year-olds were the most frequent
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cinema
visitors.

In 1994, about 67% of the total population went to the
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cinema
with about 10. 7
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times
a year. This attendance increased to 72% two years later and then remained stable until 2002, despite a fall of 2% from 1998 to 2000. Meanwhile, the average frequency peak at 11. 3
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times
annually
in 1996,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then it stabilized at around 8. 3 times.

Initially
, the youngest
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group
went to the
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cinema
12
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times
yearly, followed by 10
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times
of those aged 25 to 34.
In contrast
, the figure for the oldest
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group
was the lowest, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8
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times
per year. In 1996, the figures for
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all


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
groups
rose by about 1
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time
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before
decreasing by
nearly
5
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times
in 1998. After that, the quantity of
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visits
of each
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group
grew
slightly
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but
the most regular
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visits
still
belonged to the youngest
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group
, with about 10
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times
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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