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The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013. v.1

The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013. v. 1
The given line graph compares the London museum visitors from June 2013 to September 2013. As is presented in the given data, British Museum was the most popular museum in terms of visits and there were some fluctuations in the number of visitors for the given four months. As is observed from the line graph, British Museum was the most visited museum in London in 2013 and in June 2013, around 600 thousand people visited this museum. In the same period, there were around 550 thousand visitors in the Natural History Museum whereas 400 thousand visitors visited the Science Museum at that time. In the next month, the visitors of British museum increased to 750 thousand, reaching at the highest point, while the visitors of other two museums decreased. With some fluctuations in the next two months' visitors, the visitor numbers of British Museum reached to over 650 thousand in September 2013 whereas the number of other two museums also started increasing than the previous month and was around 450 thousand. In conclusion, the British Museum had the highest visitors for the given period and the visitors’ number for all the three museums fluctuated throughout the given four months of the year 2013.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph compares the London
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museum
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visitors
from June 2013 to September 2013. As
is presented
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data, British
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Museum
was the most popular
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museum
in terms of visits and there were
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some
fluctuations in the
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number
of
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visitors
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
four months.

As
is observed
from the line graph, British
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Museum
was the most visited
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museum
in London in 2013 and in June 2013, around 600 thousand
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people
visited this
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museum
. In the same period, there were around 550 thousand
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visitors
in the Natural History
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Museum
whereas 400 thousand
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visitors
visited the Science
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Museum
at that time. In the
next
month, the
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visitors
of British
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museum
increased to 750 thousand, reaching at the highest point, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
of other two
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museums
decreased. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations in the
next
two months'
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visitors
, the
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visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of British
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Museum
reached to over 650 thousand in September 2013 whereas the
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number
of other two
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museums
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing than the previous month and was around 450 thousand.

In conclusion
, the British
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Museum
had the highest
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visitors
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period and the
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visitors’
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number
for all the three
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museums
fluctuated throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
four months of the year 2013.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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