Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. v.1

The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. v. 1
The given data shows the type and reason of transportation used in Edmonton. According to the given information, the car was the most common transportation type used by the people of Edmond and work & business purpose was the main two reasons they travelled. As is presented in the pie chart and table, 45% travel was made by cars whereas the light rail transit was used 35%. These two were the highest used transportation types used by the people of Edmonton. Bus and Taxi were both used 10% of the total travel which was much lesser than the use of car and rail transportations. According to the table data, most people travelled to commute to work and the percentage of it was 55. The send highest percentage of people travelled for the business purpose which was 10% less than the work commuting reason. For shopping and leisure activity 15% people travelled and to take children to their school was another reason people travelled which occupies 40% of their total travel. In conclusion, people of Edmonton travelled mostly for work, business and to reach their children to school and they used mostly cars and rails for that.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the type and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Edmonton. According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
was the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
type
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of Edmond and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
& business purpose was the main two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
they travelled.

As
is presented
in the pie chart and table, 45% travel
was made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
whereas the light rail transit was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
35%. These two were the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
types
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of Edmonton. Bus and Taxi were both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
10% of the total travel which was much lesser than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
. According to the table data, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
to commute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the percentage of it was 55. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
for the business purpose which was 10% less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
. For shopping and leisure activity 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
and to take children to their school was another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
which occupies 40% of their total travel.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of Edmonton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
mostly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, business and to reach their children to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and rails for that.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts