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The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v.2

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 2
The given bar graphs show data on the percentage of computer ownership from the year 2002 to 2010 both by comparison of total population and education level. As is observed from the given graphs, the computer ownership increased over the years and this ownership among the people with higher studies was higher than others. According to the first graph, more than 50% people owned computers in 2002 and this percentage kept on increasing over years. After 6 years this percentage reached to over 60% and finally in 2010 the percentage of people who owned computers reached to over 70%. From the second bar graph, we can observe that the percentage of computer ownership increased with the education level; i. e. the higher the education level the higher the percentage of computer ownership. For instance, 15% of the people who had High school graduation owned computers in 2002 and this percentage were about 60 for Bachelor degree holders and over 80 for the postgraduate degree holders. After 8 years, in 2010, the same trend could be observed and the percentage of people who owned computers increased significantly compared to 2002.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar
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graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
data on the
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percentage
of computer
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ownership
from the
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year
2002 to 2010 both by comparison of total population and education level. As
is observed
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
, the computer
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ownership
increased
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over
the years and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher studies was higher than others.

According to the
first
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graph
, more than 50%
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
computers in 2002 and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
years. After 6 years this
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percentage
reached to
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over
60% and
finally
in 2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
computers reached to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
70%.

From the second bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, we can observe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
increased with the education level;
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
the higher the education level the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
.
For instance
, 15% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had High school graduation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
computers in 2002 and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
were about 60 for Bachelor degree holders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80 for the postgraduate degree holders. After 8 years, in 2010, the same trend could
be observed
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
computers increased
significantly
compared to 2002.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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