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The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.
The diagram demonstrates the process of making chocolate. The process has ten parts which is begun from the growing of the cocoa and culminated in the production of chocolate. First and foremost, Cocoa beans in three countries South America, Africa, Indonesia are planted until their pods become ripe and red, then they harvest and separate pods and white cocoa beans. Afterward, The beans are placed in a large tray to ferment, after the fermentation the cocoa beans will be spread under the sun so they will be dried. Next, they put these beans in a large sacks and transported them to factory by train or lorry. Later, the beans will be roasted at 350C by grain machine, after which the beans move to another machine and that machine will crush the beans to remove the outer shell. In the final stage, the inner part will be pressed to produce liquid chocolat
The diagram demonstrates the process of making chocolate. The process has ten parts which
is begun
from the growing of the cocoa and culminated in the production of chocolate.

First
and foremost, Cocoa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
in three countries South America, Africa, Indonesia
are planted
until their pods become ripe and red, then they harvest and separate pods and white cocoa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
. Afterward, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
are placed
in a large tray to ferment, after the fermentation the cocoa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
will
be spread
under the sun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
be dried
.
Next
, they put these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
in a large sacks and transported them to factory by train or lorry. Later, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
will
be roasted
at 350C by grain machine, after which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another machine and that machine will crush the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beans
to remove the outer shell. In the final stage, the inner part will
be pressed
to produce liquid
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
chocolat
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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