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The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v.2

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v. 2
The graphs present data about working hours of different professionals and the percentage of employees experience stress-related issues. Overall, businessmen work longer hours on an average and the stress-related illness among teachers are highest. As is presented in the bar graph, businessmen work 70 hours per week, the highest, among the average working hours of given professionals. Movie producers work 60 hours per week, which is the second highest. The third longest working hours per weeks are for Doctors and they work more than 50 hours per week. Writers, programmers, lawyers and chefs work 47, 40, 37 and 30 hours per week consecutively. The least working hours are for lecturers, 28 hours a week. Interestingly, though the lecturers work fewer hours per week than other professionals, their stress-related sickness is higher than other experts. On an average, one-fourth teachers have this problem. Movie producers and doctors have 18 and 15 percentage anxiety issues consecutively. Though businessmen work longer hours a week, their percentage of stress-related ailment is only 10%, lesser than the lecturers, movie producers and doctors. Programmers, writer and lawyers suffer this issue less than 10% of the total.
The graphs present data about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professionals and the percentage of employees experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related issues.
Overall
, businessmen
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work
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on an average and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illness among teachers are highest.

As
is presented
in the bar graph, businessmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, the highest, among the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
professionals. Movie producers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which is the second highest. The third longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
are for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Doctors and
they
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work
more than 50
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. Writers, programmers, lawyers and chefs
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work
47, 40, 37 and 30
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
consecutively
. The least
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working
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hours
are for lecturers, 28
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week.

Interestingly
, though the lecturers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
than other professionals, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related sickness is higher than other experts. On an average, one-fourth teachers have this problem. Movie producers and doctors have 18 and 15 percentage anxiety issues
consecutively
. Though businessmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, their percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related ailment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%, lesser than the lecturers, movie producers and doctors. Programmers, writer and lawyers suffer this issue less than 10% of the total.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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