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The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v.1

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v. 1
The illustration delineates average working hours of eight types of professionals and the percentages of them suffering from stress-related problems. Overall, despite extended working hours, business owners have fewer anxiety issues while this is highest among the teachers, who works considerably fewer hours per day. As the data suggests, businessmen work roughly 70 hours a week, higher than any other professional. Despite this longer professional engagement, their percentage of work-stress issues is lower, 11% to be precise. Doctors and movie producers both work more than 10 hours per day and their percentages of illness from work pressure account for 15 and 18 percent respectively. Writers and programmers have considerably fewer stress issues despite their more office duration than chefs, who work for only 30 hours per week but constitute 10% patients with stress-related problems. It is worth noticing that, one in four lecturers suffers from stress-related sicknesses though their working hours per week is the lowest, only 25 hours. This signifies that illness from stress from professional engagement is not directly related to the working hours of these professionals.
The illustration delineates average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of eight types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and the percentages of them suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related problems.
Overall
, despite extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, business owners have fewer anxiety issues while this is highest among the teachers, who works
considerably
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day.

As the data suggests, businessmen
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work
roughly 70
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hours
a week, higher than any other
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professional
. Despite this longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
engagement, their percentage of work-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
issues is lower, 11% to be precise. Doctors and movie producers both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and their percentages of illness from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure account for 15 and 18 percent
respectively
. Writers and programmers have
considerably
fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
issues despite their more office duration than chefs, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
constitute 10% patients with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related problems. It is worth noticing that, one in four lecturers suffers from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related sicknesses though their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week is the lowest,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. This signifies that illness from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
engagement is not
directly
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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