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The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v.2

The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v. 2
The graphs presented give information about the number of students enrolled in 10 different Higher Colleges of Technology (HCT) branches across UAE by gender and the level of college education they achieved. Overall, Dubai Women’s College has the highest number of enrolment among all the colleges while Ras Al Khaimah Men’s College has the least number of students. As is presented, there are more female graduates than male graduates and most of the students finished with Certificates. Bachelor’s degree has the least number of graduates and there are no male students under this level. In terms of the number of graduates in Colleges, Dubai Women’s has the largest number of successful students with a population of 547 followed by Dubai Men’s with 426. Abu Dhabi Women’s had 293 graduates, 20 students more compared to Abu Dhabi Men’s graduate with only 273. A majority of the graduates are female. Both male and female students graduated mostly with certificates. Just under 700 graduates were female and around 575 graduates were male in the same level. As is observed there are no male students in bachelor’s level and there are approximately 60 female students on this level making it the least number of lever achieved by the students. The pie chart shows that 50% of all the students graduated with certificates. 27% of which graduated with a diploma. Higher diploma level was 7% lesser than that of the latter while only 3% achieved the bachelor’s degree.
The graphs presented give information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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students
enrolled in 10
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Higher Colleges of Technology (HCT) branches
A determiner is probably missing here: "across the UAE".
across UAE
by gender and the
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level
of college education they achieved.
Overall
, Dubai Women’s College has the highest
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number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
among all the colleges while
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ras
Al
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khaimah
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
’s College has the least
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number
of students.

As
is presented
, there are more
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female
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graduates
than male
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graduates
and most of the
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students
finished with Certificates. Bachelor’s degree has the least
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number
of
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graduates
and there are no male
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students
under this
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level
. In terms of the
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number
of
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graduates
in Colleges, Dubai Women’s has the largest
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number
of successful
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students
with a population of 547 followed by Dubai
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Men
’s with 426. Abu Dhabi Women’s had 293
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graduates
, 20
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students
more compared to Abu Dhabi
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Men
’s
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graduate
with
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only
273. A majority of the
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graduates
are
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female
. Both male and
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female
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students
graduated
mostly
with certificates.
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Just
under 700
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graduates
were
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female
and around 575
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graduates
were male in the same
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level
. As
is observed
there are no male
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students
in
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "bachelors"?
bachelor’s
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level
and there are approximately 60
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female
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students
on this
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level
making it the least
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number
of lever achieved by the
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students
. The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 50% of all the
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students
graduated with certificates. 27% of which graduated with a diploma. Higher diploma
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level
was 7% lesser than that of the latter while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% achieved the bachelor’s degree.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
243 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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