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The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v.1

The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v. 1
The given graphs show the students’ enrollment in the Higher College of Technology for the year 1999. As is presented in the graphs, Dubai University had the largest number of male and female enrolled in 1999 and majority of those students achieved their certificates than other degrees. According to the graphs, more women got enrolled in the Higher College of Technology and the number ranges from 100 to almost 600. Among the enrolled students, the number of females was more than the male. No data for the male graduate was given and for higher diploma and certificate courses, women exceeded the number of males. According to the pie chart, half of the enrolled for certification courses while 27% had been in Diploma courses. 20% of the total students got enrolled in higher diploma while only 3% got enrolled in bachelor degree. In summary, the number of diploma and certificate students was significantly more than the number of bachelor degree students in Higher College of Technology and female superseded the male in terms of their number on those courses.
The
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given
graphs
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show
the
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students’
enrollment in the Higher College of Technology for the year 1999. As
is presented
in the graphs, Dubai University had the largest
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number
of male and female enrolled in 1999 and
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majority of
those
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students
achieved their certificates than other degrees.

According to the graphs, more women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enrolled in the Higher College of Technology and the
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number
ranges from 100 to almost 600. Among the enrolled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of females was more than the male. No data for the male graduate was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and for higher
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diploma
and certificate
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courses
, women exceeded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males.

According to the pie chart, half of the enrolled for certification
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courses
while 27% had been in
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Diploma
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courses
. 20% of the total
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enrolled in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enrolled in bachelor degree.

In summary, the
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number
of
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diploma
and certificate
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students
was
significantly
more than the
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number
of bachelor degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Higher College of Technology and female superseded the male in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs show enrolment in different colleges in the Higher Colleges of Technology in 1999. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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