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The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v.2

The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 2
The Bar chart illustrates the proportion of population in computer ownership and level of education for over eight years of period. It is clear that the computer ownership had significantly increased the percentage of population up to the last year. While the postgraduate qualification was the highest rate of population in computer ownership by level in education. Firstly, computer ownership for the past eight years had steadily increased from below around 60% to above 60% of the population. By education level postgraduate qualification had around 90% population owners of computer in 2010. It was followed by bachelor' s degree with approximately 80% of the population. While the least proportion of computer ownership were college (incomplete), high school and no high school diploma for about less than 70% in 2010. In contrast, the least percentage of computer ownership were no high school diploma and high school graduate around below 40%. However, the college level rose to about more than 50%. While it continuously increased the population of computer ownership in bachelor' s degree for about 70%. Postgraduate qualification was the highest computer ownership accounted for around more than 70% in 2002, respectively.
The Bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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population
in computer
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ownership
and
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level
of education for over eight years of period.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the computer
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ownership
had
significantly
increased the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
up to the last year.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the postgraduate qualification was the highest rate of
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population
in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
by
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level
in education.

Firstly
, computer
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ownership
for the past eight years had
steadily
increased from below
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around
60% to above 60% of the
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population
. By education
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level
postgraduate qualification had
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around
90%
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population
owners of computer in 2010. It
was followed
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s degree with approximately 80% of the
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population
. While the least proportion of computer
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ownership
were college (incomplete),
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and no
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
diploma for about less than 70% in 2010.

In contrast
, the least percentage of computer
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ownership
were no
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
diploma and
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduate
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around
below 40%.
However
, the college
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level
rose to about more than 50%. While it
continuously
increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s degree for about 70%. Postgraduate qualification was the highest computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
accounted for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
more than 70% in 2002,
respectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS academic The graphs give information about computer ownership as a [percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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