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The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v.4

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 4
The supplied two bar graphs depict the percentage of computer belongings in a community. The first graph demonstrates the general computer ownership during an eight-year period since 2002 to 2010. Meanwhile the second graph details the figure more specifically regarding education level in both 2002 and 2010. The overall trend created by the two sources illustrates an increasing number of people who owned computer due to the timeline and the level of education. Respectively, it can be seen that the latest the year, the higher the percentage of computer ownership and the higher the degree of education, the higher the ownership percentage. Looking at the detail, the trend showed in the first graph gradually swelled from about 50% to around 70% out of 80% respectively from 2002 to 2010 and counted for about 20% higher from the earliest to the latest time observed. Meanwhile, due to the education level, the ownership percentage increased gradually between 2002 and 2010 in each qualification level. As is shown by the graph, postgraduate qualification and bachelor’s degree were roughly accounted for the high number of ownership's percentage. However, the trend range of computer belongings in no high school diploma essentially was the highest increase of ownership percentage range among all qualification level. It sharply jumped to more than two times higher, about 15% and more than 40% out of 100% in 2002 and 2010 respectively. On the other hand, the smallest increase of percentage range was true for the postgraduate level that climbed up only from 80% in 2002 to about 95% in 2010.
The supplied two bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
depict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of computer belongings in a community. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
demonstrates the general computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
during an eight-year period since 2002 to 2010.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the second
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the figure more
specifically
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
in both 2002 and 2010.

The
overall
trend created by the two sources illustrates an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computer due to the timeline and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Respectively
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the latest the year, the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
and the higher the degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
percentage.

Looking at the detail, the trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
gradually
swelled from about 50% to around 70% out of 80%
respectively
from 2002 to 2010 and counted for about 20% higher from the earliest to the latest time observed.

Meanwhile, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
increased
gradually
between 2002 and 2010 in each qualification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. As
is shown
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, postgraduate qualification and bachelor’s degree were roughly accounted for the high number of ownership's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
However
, the trend range of computer belongings in no high school diploma
essentially
was the highest increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
range among all qualification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. It
sharply
jumped to more than two times higher, about 15% and more than 40% out of 100% in 2002 and 2010
respectively
.
On the other hand
, the smallest increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
range was true for the postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
that climbed up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from 80% in 2002 to about 95% in 2010.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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