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The line graph illustrates the consumption of 3 kinds of spreads(Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads, and Butter) between 1981 and 2007. v.1

The line graph illustrates the consumption of 3 kinds of spreads(Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads, and Butter) between 1981 and 2007. v. 1
The line graph illustrates the consumption of 3 kinds of spreads (Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads, and Butter) between 1981 and 2007. Overall, the Margarine and Butter followed the downward trend, whereas Low fat and reduced spreads rose considerably. However, all the 3 types of spreads experienced fluctuations in between the initial and final stages of a given duration. Firstly, the usage of Margarine experienced a rise of approximately 20 grams in the period from 1981 to 1986 whereas, the usage of Butter fallen by around the same quantity. The consumption of Butter was then drastically dropped by 2007 and its count was almost 50 grams. On the other hand, Margarine though fluctuated in between, also was observed to be dipping to its lowest point of consumption that is 40 grams. Secondly, the consumption of Low Fat and reduced spreads jumped from 10 grams in 1996 to almost 82 grams in 2001 and then decreased steadily to 75 grams in 2007.
The line graph illustrates the
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consumption
of 3 kinds of
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spreads
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(Margarine
, Low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
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spreads
, and
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Butter)
between 1981 and 2007.

Overall
, the
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Margarine
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Butter
followed the downward trend, whereas Low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
rose
considerably
.
However
, all the 3 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
experienced fluctuations in between the initial and final stages of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
duration.

Firstly
, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Margarine
experienced a rise of approximately 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in the period from 1981 to 1986 whereas, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Butter
fallen by around the same quantity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Butter
was then
drastically
dropped by 2007 and its count was almost 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
.
On the other hand
,
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Margarine
though fluctuated in between,
also
was observed
to be dipping to its lowest point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
that is
40 grams.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of Low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
jumped from 10
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grams
in 1996 to almost 82
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grams
in 2001 and then decreased
steadily
to 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2007.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the consumption of 3 kinds of spreads(Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads, and Butter) between 1981 and 2007. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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