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The graphs below show the value of Australian trading with China, Japan and the United States. (Value is estimated in term of australian dollars - billions) v.2

The graphs below show the value of Australian trading with China, Japan and the United States. (Value is estimated in term of australian dollars - billions) v. 2
The line graphs compare Australian trade with three countries from 2004 to 2009, calculated in Australian dollars. Overall, it is clear that the value of trade with the USA remained relatively constant, while the value of exports and imports to and from Japan and China fluctuated significantly over the period. In 2004, imports from the USA were valued at 10 billion Australian dollars, rising slightly to 11 billion dollars by 2009. The value of exports was considerably higher, at around 30 billion dollars throughout the period. In contrast, imports from Japan had a higher value than exports to that country. From a value of about 19 billion dollars in 2004, there was then an increase to reach a peak of 40 billion dollars in 2008, before falling to 31 billion dollars at the end of the period. Exports to Japan fluctuated slightly between 10 billion dollars in 2004 and 14 billion dollars in 2009. The value of imports from China increased from 11 billion to 40 billion dollars over the period, overtaking the value of exports to that country. However, the export trade also saw an increase, rising to 31 billion dollars in 2009.
The line graphs compare Australian trade with three countries from 2004 to 2009, calculated in Australian dollars.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of trade with the USA remained
relatively
constant, while the
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value
of
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exports
and
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imports
to and from Japan and China fluctuated
significantly
over the period.

In 2004,
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imports
from the USA
were valued
at 10
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billion
Australian
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dollars
, rising
slightly
to 11
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billion
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dollars
by 2009. The
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value
of
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exports
was
considerably
higher, at around 30
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billion
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dollars
throughout the period.

In contrast
,
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imports
from Japan had a higher
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value
than
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exports
to that country. From a
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value
of about 19
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billion
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dollars
in 2004, there was then an increase to reach a peak of 40
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2008,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling to 31
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billion
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dollars
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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Exports
to Japan fluctuated
slightly
between 10
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billion
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dollars
in 2004 and 14
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2009.

The
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value
of
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imports
from China increased from 11
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billion
to 40
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
over the period, overtaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exports
to that country.
However
, the
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export
trade
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase, rising to 31
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2009.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The graphs below show the value of Australian trading with China, Japan and the United States. (Value is estimated in term of australian dollars - billions) v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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