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The graphs below show the enrollments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. v.2

The graphs below show the enrollments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. v. 2
The two graphs show student enrollment trends over a ten-year period, from 2000-2010, in Australian universities. Overall, the two graphs clearly demonstrate increasing demand for Australian university education by overseas students (increasing 400%) with a significantly smaller increase by local students (just 50%) for this period. The first graph clearly shows that new overseas students continue to enroll in Australian universities. In 2010 there were approximately 80, 000 overseas students (around half of whom were new students). The rate of increase in the number of international students has been dramatic, doubling every five years, from just under 9, 000 in 2000, to 10, 00 in 2005 and then over 20, 000 in 2010. The local student population was around 600, 000 in 2010, 200, 000 of which were new students. Thus, new students comprised 33% of the local total, which represents a significant decline from 50% ten years before. The trends clearly demonstrate that growth can be expected to continue from overseas students but not for local students.
The two graphs
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show
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student
enrollment trends over a ten-year period, from 2000-2010, in Australian universities.
Overall
, the two graphs
clearly
demonstrate increasing demand for Australian university education by
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overseas
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students
(increasing 400%) with a
The extreme adjective for small is "tiny", or "minimal".
significantly smaller
increase by
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local
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students
(
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just
50%) for this period.

The
first
graph
clearly
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shows
that
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new
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overseas
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students
continue to enroll in Australian universities. In 2010 there were approximately 80, 000
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overseas
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students
(around half of whom were
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new
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students)
. The rate of increase in
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the


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number
of international
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students
has been dramatic, doubling every five years, from
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just
under 9, 000 in 2000, to 10, 00 in 2005 and then over 20, 000 in 2010.

The
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local
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student
population was around 600, 000 in 2010, 200, 000 of which were
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new
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students
.
Thus
,
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new
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students
comprised 33% of the
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local
total, which represents a significant decline from 50% ten years
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before
. The trends
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clearly


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demonstrate
that growth can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to continue from
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overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrollments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
168 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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