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The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69. v.2

The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69. v. 2
The two pie charts represent the post-school qualifications of groups between 25-34 and 55-69, it is categorised into 10 sectors. Before we start, we can look up that Social science and Arts are top ranked among the both generations. To begin with, Administration follow by social science and arts in the generations. On the contrary, architecture and medicine decreased with younger one. Compare with that, older graduates slightly drop by 1. 5% at architecture and 4% at medicine. However, the biggest decline with engineering is from 19% to 9. 36%. Main subjects; science, maths and computers are quiet raised in between 20s graduates. Additionally, education has minor rises with 1% and adminstration lead a moderate growth with the percentage of nearly 5%. In conclusion, the demand of social science and arts are mainly preferrable according to the post-school qualified license which is held in Australia. Also, each age groups has some of the similarities per subjects.
The two pie charts represent the post-school qualifications of groups between 25-34 and 55-69, it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
into 10 sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, we can look up that Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and Arts are top ranked among the both generations.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Administration
The singular proper name 'Administration' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "follows", "followed".
follow
by social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and arts in the generations.
On the contrary
, architecture and medicine decreased with younger one. Compare with that, older graduates
slightly
drop by 1. 5% at architecture and 4% at medicine.
However
, the biggest decline with engineering is from 19% to 9. 36%. Main subjects;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and computers are quiet raised in between 20s graduates.
Additionally
, education has minor rises with 1% and
Possible spelling mistake found.
adminstration
lead a moderate growth with the percentage of
nearly
5%.

In conclusion
, the demand of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and arts are
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
preferrable
according to the post-school qualified license which
is held
in Australia.
Also
, each age groups has
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
similarities per subjects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS academic The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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