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The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v.1

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 1
The bar graph compares post-school qualification in Australia based on gender for the year 1999. Generally speaking, more male achieved their post-school degrees in skilled vocational diploma, Masters degree and postgraduate diploma than females did while for more female, the highest educational qualification was undergraduate diploma and Bachelor's degree. According to the data, Australian male and female who achieved their post-school degrees in 1999 were classified into five categories. 'Female post-school qualified' surpassed their male counterpart in undergraduate diploma and bachelor’s degree as they a smaller ratio of females attended post-graduation courses. For the undergraduate diploma, the percentage of females was 70% compared to the only 35% male. Male were predominating in percentage when it comes to master’s degree, postgraduate diploma and skilled vocational diploma. 90% male completed skilled vocational diploma and the remaining 10% was female. It is worth noticing that, though many females completed their bachelor degree, the percentage decreased in masters degree level whereas 60% male completed it.
The bar graph compares post-school qualification in Australia based on gender for the year 1999.
Generally
speaking, more male achieved their post-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in skilled vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
,
For an academic degree, use "Master’s".
Masters
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degree
and postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
than
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females
did while for more
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female
, the highest educational qualification was undergraduate
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diploma
and Bachelor's degree.

According to the data, Australian male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
who achieved their post-school
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degrees
in 1999
were classified
into five categories. 'Female post-school qualified' surpassed their male counterpart in undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
as they a smaller ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
attended post-graduation courses. For the undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
was 70% compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
35% male. Male were predominating in percentage when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to master’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and skilled vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
. 90% male completed skilled vocational
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diploma
and the remaining 10% was
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female
. It is worth noticing that, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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females
completed their bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, the percentage decreased in
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
level whereas 60% male completed it.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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