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The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v.3

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 3
The illustration compares the post-school qualifications of Australian male and female in 1999. As is observed, more female's highest educational qualification was undergraduate diploma and bachelor degree while male outnumbered female in higher qualification levels and skilled education. According to the chart, almost 90% of males had a skilled vocational diploma, while only approximately 10% of females had the same qualifications. Nearly 70% of women's highest qualification was an undergraduate diploma, and this ratio is more than twice than that of males. In terms of males and females whose highest education was a bachelor degree, females were slightly ahead of male with a ratio of 50%. But if we consider the females and males who had obtained post-graduation degrees, males were well ahead of females. 70% of post-graduate diplomas were completed by males and 60% master's degree was completed by females. On the contrary, only 30% of women finished a post-graduate diploma and four out of ten master's degree holders were females.
The illustration compares the post-school
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qualifications
of Australian male and
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female
in 1999. As
is observed
, more
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "females"?
female's
highest educational
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qualification
was undergraduate
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diploma
and bachelor
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degree
while male outnumbered
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female
in higher
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qualification
levels and skilled education.

According to the chart, almost 90% of
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males
had a skilled vocational
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diploma
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately 10% of
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females
had the same
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qualifications
.
Nearly
70% of women's highest
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qualification
was an undergraduate
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diploma
, and this ratio is more than twice than that of
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males
. In terms of
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males
and
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females
whose highest education was a bachelor
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degree
,
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females
were
slightly
ahead of male with a ratio of 50%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if we consider the
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females
and
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males
who had obtained post-graduation
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degrees
,
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males
were well ahead of
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females
. 70% of post-graduate
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diplomas
were completed
by
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males
and 60% master's
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degree
was completed
by
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females
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% of women finished a post-graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and four out of ten
Incorrect singular possessive form after the number (ten). Did you mean "masters" or "masters'"?
master's
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degree
holders were
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females
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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