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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v.8

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 8
The line graphs illustrate the number of male and female workers in various sectors in Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. It is evident that manufacturing, trade and non-defence public sector employed most number of people. From the graph, it is clear that in 1975, male workers were involved in much greater numbers than females especially in manufacturing where about 700 men per thousand were involved which was more than twice the number of females. Similarly, men were employed over five times the number of females in banking. In all the other sectors men were considerably ahead in terms of employment in 1975. Then in 1995 female employment rocketed in communications, becoming almost double of that for males (300). It surpassed the male employment in retail trade as well (800 women per thousand employees). Except in manufacturing where the situation remained the same as 1975, women employment increased significantly in all the other sectors. Thus it is clear that male employment was much higher in 1975 compared to women but women employment have rocketed through the 20 years and has surpassed the male employment in some sectors.
The line graphs illustrate the
number
of male and
female
workers in various
sectors
in
Freedonia
in 1975 and 1995. It is evident that manufacturing, trade and
non-defence
public
sector
employed most
number
of
people
.

From the graph, it is
clear
that in 1975, male workers
were involved
in much greater
numbers
than
females
especially
in manufacturing where about 700
men
per thousand
were involved
which was more than twice the
number
of
females
.
Similarly
,
men
were employed
over five times the
number
of
females
in banking. In all the other
sectors
men
were
considerably
ahead in terms of
employment
in 1975.

Then in 1995
female
employment
rocketed in communications, becoming almost double of that for
males
(300). It surpassed the male
employment
in retail trade
as well
(800
women
per thousand employees). Except in manufacturing where the situation remained the same as 1975,
women
employment
increased
significantly
in all the other sectors.

Thus
it is
clear
that male
employment
was much higher in 1975 compared to
women
but
women
employment
have rocketed through the 20 years and has surpassed the male
employment
in
some
sectors
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 8

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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