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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v.12

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 12
The line graphs show a comparison between the numbers of male and female employees in six different work fields in Freedonia. The comparison covers a span of 20 years from 1975 to 1995. Overall, a male superiority in specific professional fields like manufacturing and non-defence public sectors was obvious while professional women progressed remarkably during the period. The manufacturing sector in Freedonia had a male workforce that was almost twice than its female counterpart, 650, 000 and 300, 000 respectively and those numbers remained the same in 1975 and 1995. Non-defence public sectors had a tight margin of 200, 000 employees in favour of male workforce. However, other sectors like communications and wholesale & retail trade witnessed a female domination during the 20-year span; communications showed static male employees as the number of male employees remained the same (300, 000) while the female employee in the same field remarkably grew, from almost 250, 000 employees in 1975 to about 550, 000 in 1995. Moreover, females took over wholesale & retail trade positions with a number that jumped dramatically from 550, 000 to 800, 000 in comparison to its male counterpart. The remaining two fields, finance/banking and the defence public sectors,   witnessed a male supremacy; yet females' number in finance/banking grew rapidly from around 100, 000 in 1975 to almost 450, 000 in 1995, decreasing the gap significantly between males and females. Besides, a slight increase in female employees was spotted in defence-public sectors in 1995; however, males still had the upper hand in that sector.
The line graphs
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show
a comparison between the
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numbers
of male and
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female
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employees
in six
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different
work
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fields
in
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Freedonia
. The comparison covers a span of 20 years from 1975 to 1995.
Overall
, a male superiority in specific professional
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fields
like manufacturing and
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non-defence
public
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sectors
was obvious while professional women progressed
remarkably
during the period.

The manufacturing
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sector
in
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Freedonia
had a male workforce that was almost
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twice
than its
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female
counterpart, 650, 000 and 300, 000
respectively
and those
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numbers
remained the same in 1975 and 1995.
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Non-defence
public
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sectors
had a tight margin of 200, 000
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employees
in
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favour
of male workforce.
However
, other
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sectors
like communications and wholesale & retail trade witnessed a
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female
domination during the 20-year span; communications
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showed
static male
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employees
as the
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number
of male
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employees
remained the same (300, 000) while the
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female
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employee
in the same
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field
remarkably
grew, from almost 250, 000
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employees
in 1975 to about 550, 000 in 1995.

Moreover
,
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females
took over wholesale & retail trade positions with a
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number
that jumped
dramatically
from 550, 000 to 800, 000
in comparison
to its male counterpart. The remaining two
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fields
, finance/banking and the
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defence
public
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sectors
,
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witnessed a male supremacy;
yet
females'
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number
in finance/banking grew
rapidly
from around 100, 000 in 1975 to almost 450, 000 in 1995, decreasing the gap
significantly
between
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males
and
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females
.
Besides
, a slight increase in
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female
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employees
was spotted
in
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defence-public
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sectors
in 1995;
however
,
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males
still
had the upper hand in that
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sector
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 12

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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